Monday, November 8, 2010

Beware - a new and terrible species found!

Much like the vicious Rabbit of Caerbannog* - I, too, have encountered a rare and vicious killer rodent! Beware the wee beady eyes...the vicious, horrible giant teeth!

Each summer it strips the peach tree of all fruit and discards the pits around the surrounding land. It cackles quietly to itself as it watches the resulting horror and terror in the eyes of the humans who discover the terrible deed.

And behold! The terrible destruction and desecration of our beautiful pumpkin sitting on the front porch!!!

Who is it? Who is this terrible beast that terrorizes my neighborhood and forces me to cage all vegetables I plant in a secure fortress of chicken wire and steel each summer? Who haunts my dreams and plagues me every year with his voracious appetite?!

Here! Here he is - cover your children's eyes and shield their innocence!

Behold the evil Killer Squirrel of St. Louis!!

Now wait! Wait! I know what you're thinking! He's not so innocent and sweet as he seems, calmly eating an acorn on my neighbor's driveway. He's a cunning devil - if you look carefully you can see his beady eyes watching me carefully, analyzing my weaknesses, judging the distance between himself and the pumpkin I struggle to protect from him. Ohhhh, he's a dangerous one, he is...

Okay here's the story - I moved from the county to the city a few years ago and was absolutely astonished at how much destruction the squirrels caused. I cannot plant ANYTHING without them doing their best to eat it. I planted tomatoes, zucchini, etc. at my old house - no problem. Here? I had to install a large protected cage for my tomatoes - wired completely with chicken wire over EVERY potential crack and still they climb all over it and reach in and pull the fruit to them. My peach tree? One day covered in peaches, the next - not ONE peach left - all ruined. We put a huge net over it - still they climb over it and then chew through the thick net to get in and run around gleefully eating the fruit up. I cannot tell you how much I now hate squirrels. Which is such a shame because I also love them. Squirrel Nutkin was my favorite story as a child and I was always horrified that he lost his tail.
I just can't believe these are the same squirrels we had in the county...they weren't anywhere near as bad. A few bites in a few tomatoes now and then, sure, but the level of destruction is just amazing now. And no even my pumpkin isn't safe? Man...
Off I go to pout. That was my ONLY pumpkin. *sniffle*
*Killer Rabbit from Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail. Funniest movie EVER.

1 comment:

EarthyPaws said...

Hi! :) I just found your blog, and this post really made me giggle :D The squirrels here eat everything as well. One day I had to shoo one away from eating a cupcake wrapper :P Didn't want him to choke. I just wanted to tell you that I love your blog. It is very fun to read :)

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